Interruptions are one of the most egregious communication violations—but not all stem from the same place. It’s possible someone’s cutting in because they’re neurodivergent, for example, and “have a difficult time focusing without speaking,” says Jefferson Fisher, a Texas-based lawyer and author of The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More. In that case? Let them get their words out; they don’t mean any offense.
Other times, your conversation partner will clearly be making the intentional choice to talk over you. “What they’re saying is, ‘What I have to say is more important than what you have to say,’” Fisher points out. “In some sense, they’ve stomped on your self-esteem. They’ve put themselves above you.”
What should you do about it? We asked experts exactly what to say when someone interrupts you.
Just keep talking.
The first time someone talks over you, continue speaking as though you haven’t been interrupted. “If you take a pause, you allow the other person to intervene,” says Jamila Musayeva, an etiquette expert who posts educational videos on YouTube. “It might sound like it’s rude to continue what you’re saying, but it establishes power. You’re not allowing them to cut into your message.” The key, she adds, is maintaining the same tone: Don’t raise your voice or start to mumble. “You’re not showing them that you’re being triggered by it, and you’re not giving them the emotions or attention they’re looking for,” she says. That may be all it takes to ensure they allow you to speak.
“Bob, I can’t hear you when you interrupt me.”
If the person interrupting you continues to do so beyond that initial transgression, it’s time to take action. Address them by name: “Names get people’s attention,” Fisher says. Plus, when you use the phrasing he suggests, “It’s not me saying anything about you. It’s me saying it about me: ‘I can’t hear you.’” That, he’s found, usually puts an end to the interruptions.
Read More: 8 Ways to Respond to an Apology Besides ‘It’s OK’
“May I finish?”
People often make the mistake of apologizing when they’re the ones being interrupted: “Sorry, can I continue?” Avoid that—you didn’t do anything wrong, says Elise Powers, who runs a global communications training firm and frequently coaches clients on how to handle interruptions. Instead, she suggests asking if you can finish what you were saying. “Do it in a confident way, where almost no one is going to say, ‘No, you may not finish,’” she says. “It’s polite, tactful, and professional—you’re not trying to alienate them.” Plus, by steering clear of more aggressive retorts, you’ll spare the other people in the room from an awkward exchange.
“John, I’ll turn it over to you when I finish my thought.”
This is another example of how starting with someone’s first name instantly grabs their attention. Once you have it, “You’re being really clear and setting their expectations,” Powers says. “You’re putting yourself in control of the situation and giving them peace of mind: ‘I care about what you have to say, John. I want to hear it, so don’t worry about me not valuing your perspective.’” You’re simply following the optimal order of operations—you’ll finish your thought, and then they can share theirs.
“I’d like to finish my thoughts—thanks for your patience.”
Even when you tell someone you’ll wrap up your last points, they may continue interrupting you. That’s why it’s important to pair your verbal cues with body language, Musayeva says. She’s noticed that, when interrupted, people tend to retract—they roll their shoulders inwards and tuck their necks in, almost like they’re trying to hide or minimize themselves. Instead, “Make sure you roll your shoulders backwards and drop them down, so it’s almost like an exaggerated movement,” she advises. Your chest should be out—not in slouched form—and your neck should be elongated and open, with palms open and visible. “We want to show that we have command of the room,” Musayeva says.
“I want to make sure: Is this a conversation, or do you need me here only to listen?”
There are levels to how you respond to an interruption—and this certainly isn’t step one. But if it’s happening over and over again, Fisher likes this pointed way of calling out the offense. “It tends to take care of it,” he says.
“There have been a few times lately, today included, where I’ve felt like I haven’t been able to share my thoughts completely.”
If you’re dealing with a repeat offender—maybe a colleague who interjects every time you start to share an idea—address the issue in a one-on-one conversation, Powers suggests.
Pull the person aside after the meeting, and tell them you feel like they aren’t receptive to your thoughts, because whenever you speak, they jump in. “It’s worth having a conversation to understand why this is happening, and how you could both make efforts to reduce the likelihood of it happening again,” she says.
“Sarah, you were mentioning something about X, Y, or Z. Could you elaborate more on that?”
A bonus tip: What should you do if you see a colleague being talked over? The short answer is that it depends on the context. Perhaps the person you want to advocate for would rather defend themselves, so consider the dynamics at play. “There are some women who would feel like, ‘OK, is this guy just trying to be the quarterback for me? I don’t need a hero; I can handle this on my own,’” Powers says. In that case, you might approach your colleague privately: “I noticed you weren’t able to finish your thoughts in the meeting today. Would it be helpful in the future if I jumped in?” Or you could pass along your favorite strategy for responding to interruptions: “Here’s something I’ve done when I’ve been cut off. I don’t know if it’ll be helpful for you, but I wanted to share it because I do want to hear what you have to say.”
Read More: 8 Things to Say During a Fight With Your Partner
Generally, though, if you see someone being interrupted, there’s no harm in finding a way to pass the microphone back to them. Asking them to elaborate on what they had been saying is a graceful way to express genuine interest and ensure they’re heard, Powers says, without disempowering them.
Wondering what to say in a tricky social situation? Email timetotalk@time.com
